-deep breathe-
well....I guess this is the first time I'll be writing this in a serious tone and with all my deep thoughts embedded. Lets start shall we? I don't know who might be reading this...or when or how. I don't really bother....i've been thining again...I think...I'll just be the man I can.....the best I can be and the best I can offer her, as my custom I will not reveal her name. Liking someone is easy but loving isn't as I've said before. The past few days I had the intention of giving up, but after close thinking.....I'll keep being the man I am.....be nice and whatever I can be for her......but, when I buckle from the stress, I won't show it I won't let her know. Instead, I shall disappear. I came from the shadows into her life and known her, and if I should not be able to handle my disappating feelings, I shall leave and disappear into the shadows. I mean, thats the way I've always been, hasen't it?With audrey, I guess....I grew up, and kinda not want to love anyone anymore. Deep inside I guess I don't really bother about emotions, love and bleha bleah, I'm just cold and hardened. Hm......although I claim I like her, do I? friends say I do but I'm abit unsure already, -shakes head and laughs- unsure.....what a word...when I've already said I like her and now saying I'm unsure she's just gonna think I'm un sincere....hm.....maybe I'm not I don't know. Mingyun was right, I keep so many things to myself, I guess she's right...but I once wasen't like that, I mean.....I used to turn to my friends and I guess now I just bottle things up. Silent and quiet....has that become of me? On the surface I smile and laugh, but I hjide alot as mingyun says. True. but I have my reasons. No one must know them. But one day....just one day......someone has to know. But the time isn't ripe for anyone yet. I don't know how to say or what to say anymore. I've given up on alot of things I guess. No longer the man I was or wanted to be. I'm now a shadow of myself.