Blogging...some people take it as a means of escape, others find comfort in entering their diaries online. For me..i've returned once more to go on another sad tale. Its been almost 2 yrs since i met her. The girl with the sprakle and charm which still enthralls me till date. The woman who changed my views and prospects on how emotions should be like. The woman who makes me frown at her actions yet lets her do it so she would learn. Yes..i loved her truly. 2 yrs ago i blogged about mystery woman, it turned out to be grace. 2 yrs..gosh has it truly been so long we've known each other.

I still remember the lingering memories of sending emails to her and waiting in anticipation for her reply,i still recall the boyish grin i'd carry on my face and walking each day. I still recall our days online chatting on the mike for hrs on end. I remember...i remember..these are but just memories now. Whats most..i remember see'ing her outside ACS barker for the first time waiting for me at the bus stop. Her shyness and rosy cheeks still linger in my mind.

I remember bringing her around to meet my friends and people who meant so much to me, i wanted the world to know who she was. It didn't matter what people thought about her, i was happy and proud of her. I remembered her first tears in front of me as i revealed my valentines day poem to her a yr ago..now thinking back..i would always remember our hugs and kisses. I felt like a child with her, i could be who i wanted to be, i could bear my soul and be everything i could for her. alas..i couldn't be there for her and be the man she wants. Its been almost 3 months since we broke up..Yet i seem to still linger on.

Lingering...i suppose most people wouldn't linger on for so long. I should know i've been through heartaches before. I ask myself now what is it that binds me to feel so strongly for a woman such as grace. The answer is simple, the glee and happiness in her eyes that shone when i gave her the ring, a ring that marks my love and how much i truly loved her.

Regret..people regret half their lives. Now at the end of my 2 yrs in national service. I hold regret on a few things. Most of all..i regret not devoting more time with grace. I had givent oo much of my time to ragnarok online. Buidling a guild, a family in the game and going through trials and tribulations which i've managed to infuse as lessons for reality. I've made good friends whom i hope to carry on life with. Yet...i lost the one thing that mattered the most to me. Was it worth it? I don't know..Something tells me..there could've been so much more i could've given her had i not played so much.

Even at this moment. 2 things she said after we broke up would always linger on in me and be lessons in my life. I was a distraction and I am immatured.. These things still sting my heart as i type now but yes things like this do happen i suppose. Jingxi,dawn,cara and the many others who've stood by me..thanks...for the advice and everything. You've all been guides for me and have pointed me in the right direction. Would i take it or would i collapse into my own despair..i don't know. One things for sure though. I want to grow up..i want to do things i've nvr done yet always wished i could. I'm 22, i'm young, i'm energetic and i've drive now. I wanna be even better then i can be...

So now..why blog this? Maybe..in another yr,another 2...or..maybe 6. I'll look back and read on all this..on all my silliness and laugh, or just remind myself that yes..i did love someone in my life before and it was truly a moment which can be coined, dolce vita.

*listening to kiss goodbye by wang lee hom*

Written on 9th April 2007.
Alvin