I'm gonna post up my song before i blog today. So...for those who aren't interested, jsut scroll down to the post.

Tile: Lets just be friends

"I've never been successful in writing a song,
It's not because I can't or anything.
I'm just not good enough. So now,
On your birthday I’ll try now. I hope you love it."

Looking back on the month that's passed,
I've been so silly, such a fool.

I gave up chances, blew up what’s left,
Now we're apart like, strangers.

I guess it was, hard on me.
Why so, I can't explain clearly.
I tried working it out,
I thought too hard and much.
Eventually, I still blew it.

-Chorus-
This is for you,
This is for us,
This is my song to say,
I treasure you my friend...
Though we're not together,
Apart we are,
I still wish we could be friends forever
That’s what I ask...

I've learnt to let go,
Of my feelings for you,
Letting go of the jealousy that gripes my heart.
I've come a long way,
So please, give our friendship another shot.

I write this song for you,
For another shot,
Not at a relationship,
Just buddies far apart.
So won't you say yes?
Cos I miss your laugh,
You tickled me lots,
I remember your smile.

So...
-Chorus-

One more go at what you missed,
A dear old friend.
One more go at my silliness,
Another go for me to laugh with you

-Chorus-


Well, it was marie's birthday on the 2nd of october. Gave that to her as a present and something else. She's been pretty upset much the past 4 days. Crying and being upset over her ex etc..I've been standing by her as much as i can and offering words of advice and encouragement even how ever busy i am at work now. She cried alot today when her ex didn't wanna get back together. It was so bad that she sounded so suicidal. I was flooded with a report to be handed by today and being utterly worried that i almost broke down at work. I wanted to be there for her yet i couldn't, i wanted to call but realize i didn't have her number. I searched frantically for kori hoping he could at least get her or something..i hated her feeling upset and without anyone to cry on...i hate myself for being so useless,to say i want to be there yet i couldn't.

Its sad though...i betrayed her a month ago yet...now she tells me she still loves her ex. I now wonder, who was the one who did the act of betrayl, me with my foolish ways, or her with a love that didn't exist. I realize that what i did to her wasn't as bad as realizing she nvr loved me at all. It hurts so badly when she crys to me and leans on me. When i see her tears i fall weak and broken, unable to make her smile. She doesn't realize how much dmg she's doing to me each time she runs to me, she desn't realize how much i did love her. I was telling cara at dinner tnight, "i finally realize what it means to really love, u just want the person to be happy even if it wasn't with you". My colleague at work, becky. She saw the song i wrote for marie's birthday and said i must love marie alot from the words i used. I just smiled and thought to myself.."if even becky can realize it, why not marie".

Well...work has been stupid and hectic. I get to work at 7:30+ and on monday i knocked off at 7:30, tuesday at 10:30pm and today i got off at 9. Its really stupid...and i'm under paid. Doing 2 persons jobs too. Its really bad..i wonder how long i can hold myself together...each day i have to keep smiling and be strong for her while juggling work. I just want to walk away from her,but she needs me now to be strong for her. I hate this.