Caught a cold recently. Probably due to the bloody air con in SIM. Havent they heard of environmental conservation? Gosh idiots.

M~ one things been bugging me and cara helped get it off'ed my mind today.
Qwen recently made a new msn and hadn't got me on it. Considering the remarks left by her friends on her facebook and their chide remarks against me I won't be surprised if she wants to wipe me off her mind completely. Why am I upset by this one may ask. Well, qwen is a pretty good friend, although innocent and naive at times, she is very true and very honest about things. Through out the relationship with her I was doing all I could to be a good bf and always keeping her happy if I could, trying to keep things exciting and bringing her to the night safari out of the blue, or appearing at her place with medication when she was ill. A text book boyfriend i guess. My reasoning to her for breaking up was, I couldn't bear to bring hurt or harm to her. The day we broke up, she was heavily upset by 1 comment of mine and refused to talk about it and allowed it to plague her the entire time we were out. It was just before her bus arrived that she told me what was wrong.

Just 1 small comment could make her this upset and make her bury herself deep in thought. See'ing her that day made me realize this was it. I could not bear to have a woman keep so much thoughts deep in herself and allow it to affect her so much. A simple talk with me; was it so hard for her to express herself? Yes she'd say. But still, i wouldn't allow her to be hurt further because i know in time to come my bluntness would only cause more harm.

In a sense, breaking up with her wasn't the absolute decision for us to forever walk apart. We did break up on a good note, not over a cheating partner, nor over religious issues or me being abusive vice versa. So I had hoped we would continue being the best of friends and allow god and fate to deal us its tarot.

As a verse i once read "Let the bird fly, and be free. If it returns it was meant to be". Maybe to qwen this was hard to undestand. To her i was mean, i was hurtful and i pushed myself out of her mind. Did I, no, I continued to care for her, to sms her occasionaly and to still be the friend i promised to be. Admitingly true, on the outing to adam road for dinner I was freaked out by her confession and her insistences to have whatever i was having etc, but those who know me by now should know. I prefer to be in the company of those who have their own minds.

I guess qwen needs time to mature and realize things. I promised her mum i'd make her more street savvy but i guess i no longer can help when she chooses to shut me out and make me a criminal. *laughs*

Perhaps one day she'll realize the amount of care and concern i actually had deep in me. Perhaps she won't. We'll never know. But I know one thing, if the day comes she needs my help i'll be there. But for me to fall in love with her, her actions of late have shown that perhaps she would never have the maturity i seek in a partner.