I'm closing this blog address. Moving on to a new one.
If anyone wants it. Let me know on msn

-Untitled-
By alvin

A year has passed,
It seems I'm still the same,
Wondeirng if you're doing fine
If he's treating you right.

Time washes all wounds and shame
I softly touch the scar that remains
Memories fill me each time i do
And regret grips my soul enforcing its hold
making it so hard to let go

Is the price of forgiveness
Truly so hard to come by?
Shackled to this despair,
I am a convict that smiles.

My life a lie, my face it hides,
the sadness within no one see's.
The only one that can hurt me,
is the only one that can make me happy.

To what does my love hold to,
The serene moments together
Or the angel you are to me
Hoping for another chance
Seems its just a dream

Been feeling depressed the past 4 days. I blame Hong Ling for sending me the 2 gay chou songs.

On a side note, i finally got my dvd's back from qwen. Good riddence. I was rather offended by her behaviour when i went down to her place. We live quite far apart so on friday i went from school to her place having to change a couple of buses. When i arrived at 2:45, i called her telling her i was at the bus stop she said okay.
5 mins later she texted me, "I'm cooking lunch now, can i get fitri to send it to you?" Cooking lunch at 3pm and telling me she is cooking. Yea such a liar.

So fitri came and hey, my transformers wasn't there! so i called qwen up.
me: "Qwen, the transformers you nvr return me"
qwen: Oh, but i didn't take leh"
me: "I loaned it to your dad, check the living room tv rack"
qwen: "oh.."
me: "i'll be at the foot of your block in awhile"
qwen: *hesitation*

so i went over and waited for her. For 15 mins i waited she didn't come down. Fitri finally went home and saw me downstairs. She asked me if i wanted to go up but I declined saying i was waiting for qwen to return me the last piece. when fitri went up, 5 mins later she came down with the dvd. My god, qwen was seriously being a kid. So she waited for fitri to go up just to come down again to pass me the dvd? Does she have no backbone to come down herself? Its plain obvious she's avoiding me. But for shit sakes? Its not as if i ever slaped or abused her to warrant such a fear in her. I guess i was right to break up with her. She wasn't the mature young lady i thought she was. God i feel like i made the right choice. Treating her so well and showing concern for her yet all her actions and things she say have really made me very upset with myself for even bothering in the first place.

Good riddance.

Marie just broke up with her bf. Its been about a week i reckon.. She found out he was cheating on her with his ex. Cara says its karma, marie cheated on her ex, and now its biting back at her. I wonder when would it bite at me for cheating on marie as well. I wonder..

Below i've included lyrics to the song making me emo, enjoy!


我們的開始是很長的電影
Wo men de kai shi shi hen chang de dian ying
Our relationship is the longest movie

放映了三年
Fang ying le san nian
It has been showing for three years

我票都還留著
Wo piao dou hai liu zhe
I'm still keeping the ticket

冰上的芭蕾腦海中還在旋轉
Bing shang de ba lei nao hai zhong hai zai xuan zhuan
The ballet on ice is still revolving in my mind

望著你慢慢忘記你
Wang zhe ni man man wang ji ni
Looking at yet slowly forgetting you



## 朦朧的時間 我們溜了多遠
Meng long de shi jian Wo men liu le duo yuan
In the haze of time How far we have skated

冰刀劃的圈　圈起了誰改變
Bing dao hua de quan Quan qi le shei gai bian
The circles made by the skates' blades, whoever's in it changes

如果再重來 會不會稍嫌狼狽
Ru guo zai chong lai Hui bu hui shao xian lang bei
If we could start all over again, will it be a tad too awkward

愛是不是不開口才珍貴 ##
Ai shi bu shi bu kai kou cai zhen gui
Is love more precious when it is kept in the heart?



** 再給我兩分鐘
zai gei wo liang fen zhong 　
Please give me two more minutes

讓我把記憶結成冰
Rang wo ba ji yi jie cheng bing
Let me freeze these memories forever

別融化了眼淚　
Bie rong hua le yan lei
Don't let your tears fall

你妝都花了
Ni zhuang dou hua le
Smudging your makeup

要我怎麼記得
Yao wo zen me ji de
How can I remember?

記得你叫我忘了吧
Ji de ni jiao wo wang le ba
I remember you told me to forget

記得你叫我忘了吧
Ji de ni jiao wo wang le ba
I remember you told me to forget

你說你會哭
Ni shuo ni hui ku
You said you would cry

不是因為在乎 **
Bu shi yin wei zai hu
But not because you care

Caught a cold recently. Probably due to the bloody air con in SIM. Havent they heard of environmental conservation? Gosh idiots.

M~ one things been bugging me and cara helped get it off'ed my mind today.
Qwen recently made a new msn and hadn't got me on it. Considering the remarks left by her friends on her facebook and their chide remarks against me I won't be surprised if she wants to wipe me off her mind completely. Why am I upset by this one may ask. Well, qwen is a pretty good friend, although innocent and naive at times, she is very true and very honest about things. Through out the relationship with her I was doing all I could to be a good bf and always keeping her happy if I could, trying to keep things exciting and bringing her to the night safari out of the blue, or appearing at her place with medication when she was ill. A text book boyfriend i guess. My reasoning to her for breaking up was, I couldn't bear to bring hurt or harm to her. The day we broke up, she was heavily upset by 1 comment of mine and refused to talk about it and allowed it to plague her the entire time we were out. It was just before her bus arrived that she told me what was wrong.

Just 1 small comment could make her this upset and make her bury herself deep in thought. See'ing her that day made me realize this was it. I could not bear to have a woman keep so much thoughts deep in herself and allow it to affect her so much. A simple talk with me; was it so hard for her to express herself? Yes she'd say. But still, i wouldn't allow her to be hurt further because i know in time to come my bluntness would only cause more harm.

In a sense, breaking up with her wasn't the absolute decision for us to forever walk apart. We did break up on a good note, not over a cheating partner, nor over religious issues or me being abusive vice versa. So I had hoped we would continue being the best of friends and allow god and fate to deal us its tarot.

As a verse i once read "Let the bird fly, and be free. If it returns it was meant to be". Maybe to qwen this was hard to undestand. To her i was mean, i was hurtful and i pushed myself out of her mind. Did I, no, I continued to care for her, to sms her occasionaly and to still be the friend i promised to be. Admitingly true, on the outing to adam road for dinner I was freaked out by her confession and her insistences to have whatever i was having etc, but those who know me by now should know. I prefer to be in the company of those who have their own minds.

I guess qwen needs time to mature and realize things. I promised her mum i'd make her more street savvy but i guess i no longer can help when she chooses to shut me out and make me a criminal. *laughs*

Perhaps one day she'll realize the amount of care and concern i actually had deep in me. Perhaps she won't. We'll never know. But I know one thing, if the day comes she needs my help i'll be there. But for me to fall in love with her, her actions of late have shown that perhaps she would never have the maturity i seek in a partner.

So the wedding has ended.
My darling brother got married on the 15th of november. It was really hectic but it was all smiles and things went very well. The guests enjoyed the buffet and everyone gave had a great time. As i look back i wonder on alot of things. Why didn't i take more pictures with my parents, why didn't i hug my parents and show them that they still got me living with them. I don't know why but yea haha.

Much clouds my mind of late. Studies and my latest project has gotten me really tired out.

On the night of the wedding when everything had ended and i had my shower and alone in my bed room. I thought of marie again. A year ago we promised each other she'd attend the wedding, we made so many plans up to little intimate details. In bed that night i quietly cried. How i love you marie, yet how i hate you. I dont really know where my life is leading itself to at this moment. Letting time blow my sails as I just watch events roll past me. I wish i knew how to control my life better.

Oh well. Thats all from me for now =)

Bloggie time.

Hm...school is into its 2nd week. I'm having quite alot of fun doing maths, readin and understanding economics and staying awake during banking & finance.
In the course of 3 years away from studying and being in society, i realize one thing. I have to change who i am, and with this chance now I can't give up so easily. I must fight on and make sure these 3 years will show.

Brother is getting married in November, the location is at a bar/bistro and I've seen the place. Its quite chic with good ambiance and a great setting. I'll bet it'll be a wonderful night, just hope the weather will be good!

Not much to update...my daily life continues to be as colorful and eccentric thats all i can say haha! Getting fat because i've been eating and eating AND not exercising >.> gr..

Time to get changed for class, i'm having PBF today and my prof is really dry.

"Her soft tresses fall from the side,
A pure white smile,
With a glint in her eyes,
I can never forget such a scene,
I can never let go of such a dream"