hellox.....I know I've been lazy and haven't been updating the blog but.....haha I don't know....Been quite affected by someone....I care alot and I have feelings towards her but she's attached. Sucky isn't it? sheesh...oh well.....I hope I can get over it cos its not wise to stay on waiting for someone who can never be urs....I've learnt that lesson before and the experience from my friends tell me so. I'll keep updating whenever I'm online. I miss her.....

heyz all......I'm back.....hahaha. I just woke up.......had quite a dream.....dreamt of gloria.....weird rite? I was out with her and I kinda got stranded outside at night so she brought me home cos he place with empty...she kinda helped wash my laundry cos I had a bag of unwashed clothes and I went to talk to her...it was nice "talking" to her again......I wonder how is she its been so so so long.....

good evening all.....for a short period of time I'll be closing this blog cos I need a small space to think and to sort out my stuff. I kinda made a few choices and I need to implement them so pls be patient and I'll put up another note of my coming back

yohz all.....sorry for so many spelling mistakes in my last entry I know its atrocious. *sighx...initially I thought stella and alex were pulling my leg when she sasid she likes me.....but it appears not. Man...never step into another persons heart carelessly......a rule I've followed.....but I don't know how to tell stella that there just ain't a possibility for us. hm..Nicoles been pretty cold lately why I don't know...really wish I could have a min with her kinda miss chatting with her, she always was good company. Hai....I backed out of hte CS match this saturday.....don't have much of a mood to continue playing it. Don't know whats wrong with me......losing touch with reality.

morning all.....its 6:11 now and I just woke up......couldn't get to bed. Hahaha those we are reading must think i'm some retarded idiot but I'm now. man its cold. eccentric weather. Hm....lately i've been having mood swings.....man I wonder if i got female hormones. hahaha and i kinda notice i'm close to 15 yr old giirls like stella, nicole and sara. Oh yea....stella said she likes me =\ man....I don't know what to do but guesss i can't do much since we're probably 15000 miles away. oh well close friends are fine with me. But...I think....hm.....better not think. Nicole hasen't been talking to me wonder how is she. going cycling with van and sam later and i' should be sleeping but i ain't.....oh sucks......

woohoo ladies and gentlemen......alvin is back in the house. I've been missing these few days cos I've been trying out a new game called ragnarok online. Its so dman fun and addictive. Kinda dropped CS cos of it LOLx. Well nothing much has happen. I've been hanging and rotting at home and its getting boring. But thank god for the computer. Great invention of god. hahahaha. oh well I'm going back to KCPSS my secondary school tomorrow. Its been a long time since i returned. Hm.....nothing much to update besides my boring lifee. Will keep you posted if anything comes up !!!!

its the morning and its feeling great after 9 hrs of none stop sleep. I feel energised again. I feel.....so.......god knows lol. Wonder if vanessa still has a crush on sheena hahahhaa the saucy fella.

so much on my mind so much so that I don't know how to start. I went to town today meeting dawn and vanessa. Dawn looks alot better from the last time I saw her...kinda more hot. We went to Espirit and the 2 girls were shopping....I found myself drifiting and wondering and thinking.....stoning to be exact.I went home alone on the train filled with questions. Questions I thought god would have asked me about edith, the woman whom I have truely ever had deep feelings for. Q1) Have you ever loved anyone...yea. Q2) did u sacrifice anything important for her....yea...alot....Q3) would you like her to return....guess not...people change and now god knows how she is....Q4) if given a chance to turn back time to change the things that happened, would you?.....mixed feelings no direct answer.....Thats all I can ask myself I guess. I was walking home....laden with all these thoughts and the worse thing that could happen....I saw shuhui. I couldn't recognise her but I guess....I guess my instinct just told me it was her. She was wearing the same jacket I bought for her after we broke up I guess somethings haven't changed. In a way....I don't regret not being with her.......life was shit when she played with my feeling, I feel like a fool for giving so much for her....she just wasen't worth it. I think I'll end here..no mood to carry on. I quote from celest a friend whose.....gone? she once said..."living, bleeding its all the same isn't it?" kinda true now taht I think about it

-deep breath-
Life's such an interesting thing, Wouldn't you say? She's been on my mind again. Not healthy but not to worry...kinda got my mind straight. I know what to do....dawn gave great advice, dun rush at an oppertunity just wait...wait for the one. I'll know what to do next.
Life is beautiful. Looking at it now I think tis great.

Well its the end of another paper...soon it'll be wednesday and its tuxedo day.....sharon(my cousin) is getting married and I have to rush tehre after my paper.....hm......what bothers me now...don't u think that there are times when friends don't need you and they chuck you aside and just think that you'll be there when they need you...classic examples..edith....I don't know I guess everyone in my life except those special few like mingyun...dawn....and biqin.....they make it a point to ask how am I and stuff...check on me and stuff. I admit I dun make a good friend but I do try my best to be there and look out for everyone...I'm not god but I try my best. *sighx
I guess sometimes I shouldn't bother with most people and just concentrate on those who mean more to me. I'm considering putting this as a private page and you'll need a password to access. I'll give only a few people the password. If u want it just e mail me and I'll think about giving. I'm thinking of disappearing from a few people's lives now the way I always do. there are a few such people in mind and on top of the list is gloria.
oh well I'll keep everyone posted.

Today's saturday.....been a bad day with the bloody maths paper being a murder. I have have DE(digital electronics) paper on monday....I barely started and its my worse subject. Shit the bala man. Oh fuck. hahaha sorry for that. I've gotten over her for now. Hopefully forever sounds evil but I guess it is. Sigh...nothing much to update. Life is pretty boring. Hm.......Life........oh well......I don't know. Emotions may come by easily, would they last would they remain, though time will pass things will always change, but I'd still be loving u. I'm tired I gues...of things around me. Oh well.......I don't know anymore.

Its over...its finally over
the feelings, the sense of longing and wanting. I never thought it could end so easily. Thanks to my lovely friends Dawn and Lydia they convinced me to stop and it worked. Maybe it'll return someday we never know. But at least I have my friends to help me. Right now I'm listening to still time the instrumental version....beautiful, it just reflects my feelings perfectly. If u wanna know what it sounds like it's on my webbie's main. well time must move ahead and I must go on, I guess life's ultimate meaning was for me to be alone?