1am on a sunday nite. Oh wait..its monday. Supposed to get up in 4 hrs for work.
I slept for 3 hrs this afternoon so i guess this is why i'm so wide awake now. Life has been busy since i started work in Genesis. Things are always fast paced and busy so I hardly have time to breath let alone take a drink of water.

Ash whom is my new mentor would be leaving on wednesday, to be honest i'm not sure i can cope without her. Its really...taxing cos there's just so much to do and so little time. To make things worse, this december they intend to open up Genesis 2. And yes i'll be in charge of the purchases in that department too. It's gonna suck..

My brother says i shouldn't be thinking so negatively,true...but i'm still not sure that i'm cut out for this. I mean...i like stress, i like being busy, but..its getting ridiculous and this isn't something i like to do i guess. Sigh, to be honest i rather be doing biomedical engineering. Thats the only place my passion lies in. Yet i still wanna take on accounting. Its a demon i want to fight and suceed in.

while tossing in bed i was thinking of marie again. The feelings have dissipated but somehow, something just refuses to die away. Annoying isn't it. I hate it when this happens. M~ nothing interesting going on in my life, there's daily shit going on which is kinda funny sometimes. I just...look at things differently now and do my best to be busy to stop myself from thinking too much. Life's a bitch, so i guess i'll be a bitch to accomadate it

I'm gonna post up my song before i blog today. So...for those who aren't interested, jsut scroll down to the post.

Tile: Lets just be friends

"I've never been successful in writing a song,
It's not because I can't or anything.
I'm just not good enough. So now,
On your birthday I’ll try now. I hope you love it."

Looking back on the month that's passed,
I've been so silly, such a fool.

I gave up chances, blew up what’s left,
Now we're apart like, strangers.

I guess it was, hard on me.
Why so, I can't explain clearly.
I tried working it out,
I thought too hard and much.
Eventually, I still blew it.

-Chorus-
This is for you,
This is for us,
This is my song to say,
I treasure you my friend...
Though we're not together,
Apart we are,
I still wish we could be friends forever
That’s what I ask...

I've learnt to let go,
Of my feelings for you,
Letting go of the jealousy that gripes my heart.
I've come a long way,
So please, give our friendship another shot.

I write this song for you,
For another shot,
Not at a relationship,
Just buddies far apart.
So won't you say yes?
Cos I miss your laugh,
You tickled me lots,
I remember your smile.

So...
-Chorus-

One more go at what you missed,
A dear old friend.
One more go at my silliness,
Another go for me to laugh with you

-Chorus-


Well, it was marie's birthday on the 2nd of october. Gave that to her as a present and something else. She's been pretty upset much the past 4 days. Crying and being upset over her ex etc..I've been standing by her as much as i can and offering words of advice and encouragement even how ever busy i am at work now. She cried alot today when her ex didn't wanna get back together. It was so bad that she sounded so suicidal. I was flooded with a report to be handed by today and being utterly worried that i almost broke down at work. I wanted to be there for her yet i couldn't, i wanted to call but realize i didn't have her number. I searched frantically for kori hoping he could at least get her or something..i hated her feeling upset and without anyone to cry on...i hate myself for being so useless,to say i want to be there yet i couldn't.

Its sad though...i betrayed her a month ago yet...now she tells me she still loves her ex. I now wonder, who was the one who did the act of betrayl, me with my foolish ways, or her with a love that didn't exist. I realize that what i did to her wasn't as bad as realizing she nvr loved me at all. It hurts so badly when she crys to me and leans on me. When i see her tears i fall weak and broken, unable to make her smile. She doesn't realize how much dmg she's doing to me each time she runs to me, she desn't realize how much i did love her. I was telling cara at dinner tnight, "i finally realize what it means to really love, u just want the person to be happy even if it wasn't with you". My colleague at work, becky. She saw the song i wrote for marie's birthday and said i must love marie alot from the words i used. I just smiled and thought to myself.."if even becky can realize it, why not marie".

Well...work has been stupid and hectic. I get to work at 7:30+ and on monday i knocked off at 7:30, tuesday at 10:30pm and today i got off at 9. Its really stupid...and i'm under paid. Doing 2 persons jobs too. Its really bad..i wonder how long i can hold myself together...each day i have to keep smiling and be strong for her while juggling work. I just want to walk away from her,but she needs me now to be strong for her. I hate this.